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| photo courtesy lusi, rgbstock.com |
Does doubt ever jump on your head? Okay, maybe that should be does doubt ever jump
into your head? Either way - does it?
It does for me when it comes to my writing. I know that I'm a writer. I have been gifted to write. I love writing, but still - I struggle with writing.
First of all, I know that writing devotionals and short (very short) fiction pieces are what I do best and what I love to do. I have several blogs that I enjoy writing and have more ideas for blogs than I could possibly keep up with, but occasionally I begin to wonder if anyone is really reading them. I wonder if they are making a difference in anyone's life. I wonder if I my posts are just floating out into cyberspace oblivion.
I check stats and wonder why people look, but don't leave comments. I visit other blogs and experience blog envy.
Time and time again I've tried to write a novel. I do great for about 3 chapters, then I freeze up. Can't think of a thing to write and that's when the doubt begins to grip me. I start thinking that if I were a "real" writer, I would be able to write a novel.
I know that's goofy thinking. You don't have to write a novel to be a writer, but I have 6 or 7 three-chapter book started on my computer that scream otherwise.
Doubt is a crippling disease. Sometimes I delete entire blogs, only to reinstate them a few weeks later.
And then something amazing happens. Someone will leave a comment on one of my blogs telling me how much a particular post meant to them. How they were at a particular place in their life and how God led them to that post. They say it was just what they needed. It ministered to them, encouraged them, increased their faith...and that's the moment when doubt flees and faith rises in my heart.
It's then that I realize that I need to quit trying to be like my favorite novelist or like the popular bloggers I read. I just need to be me and write what God puts on my heart, then trust Him to take the message wherever He wants it to go.
I know that blog comments should not be the measuring stick for confidence in my writing. I should just know that this is my calling and settle into it, but hey....I'm human.
So, fellow writers/bloggers - do you ever experience anything like this?
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(Copyright© 2012 Jan Christiansen. All rights reserved.)
